Phantom in Shanghai: Days 5 and 6

Forget the eye patch. Now I need a Phantom of the Opera mask to cover the whole left side of my face. It's all red and puffy and swollen. I'm going to end up on that gross show "Monsters Inside Me". It's probably not a stye, it's some kind of flesh-eating amoeba. You know how Asians wear those surgical masks in public? Well I'm wondering if there is a way to get one and strap it to the left side of my head. I'm weighing my options: Is it better to look like Quasimodo or a dumb American who appears to not know how to wear a surgical mask? So Day 5 was a bust. Between recovering from night 4 and looking like a freak on Day 5, we hung out in our pjs all day (and not in the "high society" way). Today we went to the Marriage Market (held in the park every Sunday). Katherine let me wear her sunglasses to hide my hideous deformation. As we pull up to the park, Katherine pulls an umbrella and a piece of paper out of her purse. The piece of paper contains writing on it in blue crayon: Rachel "stats". She announces that her plan is to auction me off (like the rest of the Chinese parents are doing at the Marriage Market). I can't let her joke go unfulfilled, so we walk into the park, she pops open the umbrella and secures my "stats" to the top of it (like all the other unwed Chinese women's stats) and tells me to sit behind it with the boys. Within seconds, people begin approaching us and asking questions (in Chinese so I had no clue what they were asking). Then a Chinese man who can speak some English comes over to translate for my curious potential future in-laws. He asks Katherine if I am available to date or to marry, if the boys are mine, how old they are, etc. After a few laughs and answering questions (now even English-speaking people from other countries have gathered to see what's going on, and ask about my "stats" (Why does it say you weigh 2 pounds?) Katherine finally tells the translator that it's a joke. He translates that back to everyone, and they have a good laugh. Everyone was very friendly. And the good news is, if I ever want to marry a Chinese guy, there are several parents who are interested in being my in-laws (maybe it's due to the fact that one of my "stats" said I make 1,000,000 US dollars). I've included pics and video of the Marriage Market. There had to be 1000s of people there (this thing is no joke!) Today is Day 7, and my freakish appearance has reached an all-time high, but I may venture out while Katherine is at work and find the cheapy market place with all the knockoff stuff. The Phantom needs some sunglasses... or a mask and a cape. Ugh.

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